Comic books creators are becoming persona non grata in Riverdale thanks to Dr. Wertham. Unfortunately for Jughead (Cole Sprouse), this comes about just as his first credited comic book issue hits the stands. This excites Jughead, but he has a bone to pick with his editor, Al Fieldstone. You see, Jughead discovered that Fieldstone stole stories from Jughead’s favorite writer, Brad Raybury, repurposing them for Pep Comics. Fieldstone takes a very Mr. McDowell from Coming to America style defense. Raybury has November County. Pep Comics has November Country. Completely different. Just like the Big Mac and the Big Mc.
You might remember Uncle Frank (Ryan Robbins) returning two episodes back. He doles out the tough love to Archie (KJ Apa), citing every recent mess up by Arch. He even takes Archie to meet with the Riverdale High principal, Mr. Featherhead. Archie promises to become at least a B student. Featherhead wants a word in private with Uncle Frank. What can this be about?
Betty (Lili Reinhart) plays peeping tom to Archie as he comes out of the shower. Close the curtains, Arch! Betty later asks Veronica (Camila Mendes) what’s sex like? Veronica admits to having not gone all the way yet. She tells Betty that she doesn’t have to have sex to be sexy. She offers to let Betty try out her sexy lingerie after school, explaining that she loves the feel of it, and knowing it’s there.
Toni Topaz (Vanessa Morgan) shows up to Riverdale High cheer tryouts and gives an inspired audition. Cheryl Blossom (Madelaine Petsch) gives her a spot on the Vixens squad right after her tryout, much to Evelyn’s (Zoe De Grand Maison), another cheerleader, chagrin.
Featherhead hired Frank as the new basketball team coach. Uncle Frank wants Archie to try out. Archie wants to focus on his studies, but Frank insists on Archie being there, either as a player or a waterboy.
At Veronica’s later, Betty tries on some lingeries, but feels more embarassed than sexy.
Jughead tracks down Raybury. Raybury is a recluse. Jughead rats out Fieldstone stealing his stories to Raybury. Raybury is confused why someone employed by Pep Comics wants him to sue Pep Comics. Jughead fanboys out on him.
Evelyn meets in private with Cheryl. She tells her that she doesn’t want “girls like Toni” on their squad. When Cheryl calls her racist, Evelyn explains it’s not that Toni’s black, but that she’s “a lezzy.” Cheryl sticks up for Toni, but both denies Toni being a lesbian and says she wouldn’t tolerate one on their team.
Archie’s garage is empty. Where’s his hot rod? That’s what Archie wants to know. Uncle Frank hid it. Archie can get it back when his grades are up.
Veronica wants to get betty a man. Betty admits to having feelings for Archie. Betty asks Archie out. He says he wants to but can’t because of Uncle Frank. It looks like Veronica is smiling when she overhears Archie gently let Betty down, but Veronica also consoles Betty, saying maybe Archie was telling the truth.
At basketball practice, it’s Archie’s first day at waterboy. Julian absolutely loves it.
Evelyn sneaks into Toni’s locker. and finds the book she lent Cheryl. She confronts Toni, who tells her to mind her own business.
Pep publishes Homeroom of Horrors! Jughead is excited. Just then, Brad Raybury shows up to confront Al Fieldstone. Fieldstone offers him a $2 adaptation fee per story, but Raybury wants compensation for the 8 already adapted. Woo…$16. At Pop’s later, Jughead pitches himself to adapt Raybury’s stories. Raybury asks about Jughead’s dad, but Jughead says he’s in Toledo now. Come back, Skeet! Raybury offers to read one of Jughead’s short stories. Anyone else think Jughead is about to be the one getting ripped off?
Uncle Frank got ARchie a job pumping gas as Pop’s. Thanks?
Toni confronts Cheryl about Cheryl telling Evelyn that Toni isn’t a lesbian. Cheryl apologizes and admits to being attracted to girls, Toni is particular.
Jughead gives a short story to Raybury to read. While Raybury is brewing tea, Jughead finds a box of manuscripts and grabs one of them from the box. Oh, Jughead.
Julian loves getting gas from Archie even more than he loves getting water from him. Meanwhile, in Pop’s, Betty and Veronica are out on a date with two private school boys. But Betty only has eyes for Archie. And vice versa. Pop brings Archie a thermos of coffee. Oh no, is it drugged? It isn’t, but last week’s episode of Riverdale really got me. Pop and Archie talk about Archie’s dad, and it’s clear Archie isn’t playing basketball anymore because that’s what he used to do with his dad.
Jughead read The Jupiter Journals, Raybury’s manuscript, all night. He loved it and doesn’t understand why it is not published. When he tells Raybury as much, Raybury calls him a thief and kicks him out of his apartment. Way to go, Jughead.
Betty admits to Veronica that she can see into Archie’s bedroom from hers. Veronica wants to see too.
Cheryl announces that Toni is now the top of the pyramid. Evelyn challenges it, but not getting any support from other girls, backs down. Yeah, Evelyn sucks, but Toni only got this spot because Cheryl is into her. I don’t think we should be celebrating that.
Archie admits to his mom that the memory of his dad makes basketball hard for Archie. He also worries he won’t live up to his dad’s memory.
Toni wants to show Cheryl her appreciation with a passionate kiss, which while romantic, come on folks, this is trading sexual favors for a better spot on the pyramid.
Veronica and Betty plays Rear Window with Archie. He spots them. Uh oh. Betty calls themselves Peeping Patties. It only took 7 seasons, but Archie finally closes his curtains. Veronica and Betty aren’t sure if Archie saw them until Archie confronts them in the hallway. Archie wants to talk to Betty in private. He says he saw them. Betty plays dumb., but Archie admits to liking it. They make a plan to put on shows for each other. Betty tells him she’ll be wearing something special. Archie joyously announces, “Betty, I’m really excited!” Keep it in your pants, Archie.
Archie dresses for practices. Julian protests. Archie immediately nails a three. Archie tells uncle Frank that he’s not joining the team it for Uncle Frank, he’s doing it for himself, his mom and the memory of his dad.
A teacher brings Homeroom of Horrors and it’s author to the attention of Wertham.
At midnight, Betty and Archie show up in each other’s windows. They both slowly undress for each other. Is it me or Camila Mendes singing right now? Betty has lingerie on. Archie has a hard on. Just as they’re about about to go full frontal for each other, Uncle Frank walks in on Archie and Hal walks in on Betty. Eep.